Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage

Coming from a man who is about to get divorced very soon, advice about marriage is not something to be taken seriously. But nonetheless, we all have our opinions. And at some point of time we all want to be heard. So when I first read about Indiblogger's Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage contest, I too wanted to write about it, I too wanted to express my views. And don't we all know, that it is from our failures that we achieve the key to our success.

Now, to be very honest with you there isn't much difference between a love marriage and an arranged marriage. The custom of arranged marriages have been predominant in this part of the world since centuries, and many of these nuptial bonds have been more than just successful. And I know a lot of men and women who belong to the new generation have left it upon their parents to decide about their life partners, or have started searching for a prospective bride or a groom through ads in newspapers.

And then there are some of us who were lucky enough to find that someone special in their lives. That someone who they couldn't think they could spend their lives without. They fell in love with that someone and then after they get to know eachother a little too well, they decided to take it to the next level, as you might say, and tie a knot. My parents had a love marriage, and they are happy together even after all these years!

But then I have seen marriages fail. They can be either of them, love or arranged. I have seen arranged marriages collapsed within days of the wedding because of simple misunderstanding. And I have also seen couples get separated because one or both of them fell out of love of eachother who had were once convinced that love is the best thing that had ever happened to them.

So what goes wrong?

The answer to that is very simple. Be it love marriage or arranged marriage, more often than not we don't seem to understand the true meaning of the word marriage. When people say that marriage is an institution, we fail to understand its teachings. We fail to understand that marriage is not just signing off a few legal documents or wearing sindoor on your forehead, marriage is not the right to have sex with your partner. Marriage is a bond of love that is to be respected by both people involved in it, that is to be cherished for what it is. It a relationship of a lifetime that is above all other relationships, the truest of them all. Marriage is a oath that a couple needs to fulfill, an oath to stick to eachother through thick and thin and love eachother inspite of all the odd of life. Marriage is a feeling that is not bound by a legal document or a pinch or red powder.

If you want to be married to someone because you love that person, you can do that without signing off a legal document in front of thousands of witnesses, you can do that without wearing that pinch of the red powder. Because if you want to break the bond of marriage, no legal document or no vermillion can save it. But if you want to keep it, no adversity would dare to break such a beautiful bond.

That is marriage!

And once we understand the true essence of marriage, whether its an arranged marriage or a love marriage, we would be able to cherish it like it says in the books, happily ever after.

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

Gauri Chhiba, the daughter of retired Major Ramesh Chhiba, who had been born a vegetarian, was a Hindu Brahmin, and even had a temple within his house. Shahrukh being a Muslim in India where religion plays a key role while deciding the destiny of marital alliances, his marrying Gauri whom he had met in 1984 and eventually married in 1991 was indeed a tough task to accomplish.

The relationship between the two had been kept under wraps, and understandably so because Gauri’s parents would not have accepted it. Or, so it seemed for quite some time even while the twosome continued to meet up for six long years. The youngest in a Punjabi joint family with around 15 members, that Gauri would marry someone from her community was a foregone conclusion.

As for Shahrukh, he was willing to do anything to get her in his life, and it is said that he had entered Gauri’s household by posing as Abhimanyu during the girl’s birthdayparty. Abhimanyu who? Abhimanyu, the character that Shahrukh had just started to play in the television serial Fauji that was being directed by the retired Lieutenant Colonel Raj Kapoor. The serial based on life in the army had made Shahrukh’s character really popular, and people around even said that he looked quite a bit like Dilip Kumar when he attended the birthday party in Gauri’s house that day.

The story of Shahrukh and Gauri’s relationship continued to add a new chapter with every passing day, and not all of them were bliss-laden as is the case with all human relationships. He was tremendously, in fact uncomfortably possessive about his lady love, so much that he would pick up a quarrel with her even if she let her hair down… literally. Finally, Gauri lost her cool and realized that she wanted to get away from the emotional bedlam in 1989. Without informing Shahrukh, she came down to Mumbai with her pals just a day after the former had celebrated her birthday in his room by decorating it the best way he could have and giving her lots of presents.

It was when Gauri had left for Mumbai that Cupid shot that one decisive arrow. Shahrukh just had gone to the city of dreams where his love had gone, and he ended up telling everything to his mother who was supportive and open-minded as always. Not only did she give her son Rs 10,000, she also advised him to go to Mumbai and get his love back. Shahrukh went there with his friends, and what followed sounds like a chapter straight out of fictional romantic folklore.

In the huge city, he and his friends kept looking for Gauri, and especially around the beachees because of his awareness that she was attracted to them in a big way. On the last day of his stay in Mumbai, since he had run short of financial fuel obviously, a cab guy advised him to go to a place called the Aksa Beach. From there, they ferried across to a place called Gorai and, after searching frantically, managed to track her down when she was standing in the water! Once the duo saw each other, they embraced each other and started crying. That was the defining moment in their relationship, because it was clear to both of them that they need to be with each other all their lives.

The problem the couple apprehended was because of Gauri’s set-up that consisted of simple people who were loyal to Indian social norms and did not question the tenets of tradition: which, in this case, implied that having a son-in-law who belonged to a different religion. This was a thought that would have never crossed their minds. But the time when the twosome had to marry had to surface some day or the other, and that did happen in 1991. The couple went ahead and put up a notice for a court marriage which, according to the Indian marital laws, meant that their names were displayed in front of the court in a notice for one long month.

Shahrukh and Gauri had to hide the notice from their parents, so they did the most obvious thing. They gave a address and said it was their own. The poor fellow had to suffer the repercussions. The parochial among the Hindus made a group and shouted in front of his house, and so did their Muslim counterpart. During those 30 days, the life of his friend was absolutely miserable, but then both Shahrukh and Gauri did not have a choice because they were really concerned about the latter’s parents.

Those 30 days proved to be critical for the young couple. They worked hard towards convincing Gauri’s parents, and eventually managed to make them see their point of view. That they would have a court marriage after the notice period got over was decided upon, and it was on August 26 that this ceremony was finally solemnised in the court. They also got married in keeping with Hindu and Muslim traditions seperately. In fact, it was Gauri who insisted that they should have a Muslim wedding too, and the roots of a secular family set-up had been firmly established be them.

This was the time when Shahrukh was making his initial forays in Bollywood, and among his forthcoming films were Deewana and Raju Bangaya Gentleman while he was shooting for Dil Aashna Hai as well.

What a love story, isn't it! And a real one too at that.

Best of Me

Many of you might not know that I have another blog called Of Love, Life and Other Unimportant Things. It's an Ad-free blog. It has it's own readership base. I am writing in it for while now, so today I thought about providing the links to some of my popular posts from that blog. Click on these photographs and you would be taken to that page where you have the story related to this photograph. Read them and enjoy the ride!

An Open Letter to God - II

Dear God,

Here we meet again, You and me. Remember the last time I wrote a letter to You? I didn't really think that You would give me a reply, but You did. And what a beautiful reply it was. Beautiful, sweet and lovely. But a lot of water has flown under the bridge since then, so much so that today I had to sit down in front of the computer to write to You once again, but in a pensive mood.

Tell me something, do You get angry? Do You feel like raising Your hands to blow everything apart? You must feel angry sometime, after all I was born out of You, Your blood runs in my veins, so Your emotions should match with mine, somewhat.

I am feeling angry, very angry. So angry that I feel like screaming till my lungs burst out, till my brain start spewing blood all over me. But I can't, cause unlike You I am a simple little man. And I know that if I start screaming, I would stop only with a pair of electrodes clamped around my temples. And I can't afford to do that because I have a lot of people who look upto my face with hope. Hope, the reason why I am writing this to You. Hope, which makes me believe in You and which makes me believe that once again You would read this and once again I would get a reply.

So please Dear God, please reply to this letter. Please answer my prayers, cause I have heard that there are lot of powers in them. Dear God, I want You to show me Your anger, the same anger which cause You to drown the Earth in the flood which made Noah set sail. But please show me Your anger, please be angry Dear God, so angry that You would smite me with Thor's hammer and entomb me within the shroud of death, but please show me Your anger.

If you cannot, then please show me Your Love. The Love which is Your most beautiful gift for Your children. The Love for which I have spend a year bearing every insult and pain, the Love for which I walked for miles to buy a gift for my daughter on her first birthday, the Love for which I learned what forgiveness is and I forgave her even after inflicted upon me the deepest wounds. Please show me Your Love oh Dear God!

Or else show me what You meant by divine justice. Show me how You intend to teach people a lesson when they think that just because they are not answerable to anyone, they can play with anybody's life and emotions, they can make false promises sitting inside Your house just because they don't believe that You can be real.

But please show me something Dear God, please show me the meaning of these words called Love and Marriage and Promises. Please show me the meaning of the word Life, please give a meaning to my life. But please show me that You are there, with me, around me, to protect me, to Love me. Please Love me Dear God bless me a little because after one year, I cannot bear this burden of fake promises, dreams, lies and betrayals. I cannot. Please answer me Dear God that is it my fault that my heart is as ugly as my face is?

I promise, Your answer to my questions would give you an ardent follower for a lifetime. The follower who went to Your abode at Bandel and climbed to its top on his knees, just to show You his gratitude for letting her be in his life. Please answer my questions, please answer my prayers.

Please put an end to my sufferings Dear God. Whichever God You are, whether You are a Someone or whether You are all the Gods that I believe in like Jesus Christ, Sai Baba, Shiva, Allah, Maa Kali et al. If You are One then this letter is for You, and if You are many then this letter if for all of You. But whatever is the case, this letter is intended for You God. Please give me an answer.

Amen.

P.S. I know I don't sound like I sounded when I wrote to You the last time, but then I used to believe in Love, now I have lost my faith. Now, I am bruised all over. Please heal my bruises, please let me forgive her as You forgave me. Please let me find peace, within Your arms, in Love, with her and my daughter.

What is Love?

Love is a beautiful experience, love is all about caring and shaaaarii...HELL NO!

That definition of Love is such a passe. That's for the oldies like us. Love, for the boys and girls of this generation, is something entirely different.

Love, for the boys of this generation, is the commodity sold by them to girls so that the girls let the boys have sex with them. And for the girls of this generation, Love is the weapon they use against boys (along with sex) which let them have their way to a boys's wallet because they, as such, don't have the capabilities to shine all by themselves except for those times when they are giving big talks about their usual feministic shit. And in order to get what they want, both for the boys and girls of the the gen-next, sab chalta hai.

I know many of us, both boys and girls, would be enraged by this post. But truth hurts, can't help it boys and girls.

[P.S. In case you have missed it completely, I still write love with a L.]

Lonely This Valentine's

So it's Valentine's once again. People are busy buying gifts for their loved ones, planning how to celebrate that day. The craze has taken such a gigantic size that I often think someday the authorities are surely to declare it as a National Holiday.

Jokes apart, I have seen many of us actually shun this day of love. There reason, for two people in love, 365 days a year are a Valentine's Day in itself, so why to celebrate a day separately for the same! Quite true, but then it sounds somewhat like grapes are sour.

Why do we celebrate Independence Day then, after all we are Independent throughout the year on our own accord, aren't we? Why to celebrate Holi when we are filling our lives with colors each and every day?

I too would not be celebrating Valentine's Day this year. To celebrate this day you need someone to love you, romantically. I don't have any such person. So even though I bought gifts (I'm a love sick puppy, in case you didn't know), I don't have anyone to give them to. So could you tell me what do you do on a lonely Valentine's Day like this?

The Forgotten

If you forgot something, then it's better left forgotten. Either it's not worth remembering. Or you are not worthy of remembering it.

Imagination and Reality

An illusionary imagination is far more better than a distraught reality.

The Collage

It was her dream, and I wanted to make it come true for her.

We were seeing eachother for almost 5 years now. But things were not going pretty smooth in between us off late. There were too many things to take care of. Career, family, extended family, and then there was my financial problems which seemed to cling on to me forever.

So I wanted to do something for her as a surprise. She once told me about this movie that she saw where this guy, the hero, collects each and every invoice from all the places that he and his girlfriend went together to and then gifts them to gain back her trust on him. I started making something similar, a book, a collage, where I pasted all those invoices and wrote about that day below it. My kind of a feeble attempt to rekindle the lost love. Hell, I could have tried anything to get her back, anything.

Finally when it was complete I had tears in my eyes. Who said that men don't have feelings!

I ordered a bunch of flowers then, she just loved flowers, and asked the florists to deliver the collage along with the flowers. I paid those guys, came back home and waited for her call. She did call, but I just wish she didn't.

She abused me for sending her those stupid flowers and said that she has thrown away both the flowers and the packet that I had sent her without even opening them. She said I never had any right to embarress her in front of her co-workers by sending her those flowers. And finally, she said that she has gone back to her previous boyfriend, once again. I still remember her final words for me, "Why don't you go and jump off a highrise. Probably then I would get rid of an abnormal creature like you."

So much for a bunch of flowers and a stupid collage.

That evening, after office, I went to the thirteenth floor of our building, send her a message on her phone, and took a leap off from the terrace. Leap of faith? Who knows!

"Thank you so much for telling me about your dreams, I am trying to fulfill them. I thought the collage was as precious for you as it was for me, I was wrong. Wish you all the happiness in life, may God always gives you a reason to smile. Love you."

No Time for Love

We don't, really. Don't believe me? Look around you. How many couples do you see who are happy to be in a relationship? Hardly any. The reasons are manyfold.

Couples are looking for a relationship with a responsibility denomination of el zilcho. I wonder, how can love ever exist without responsibility! I mean imagine, I love you a lot, or atleast that what I say, and then when you fall sick I don't even turn up to wish you a faster recovery because I am busy with my social committments. Isn't that funny?

Money and sex are more attractive than love, so why fall for the second best. Security provided by money is way better than the security provided by love. And although the second one is way more reliable than the former, but can love buy you a Gucci bag or a honeymoon in Maldives? Hell no! So why waste time on love.

People have forgotten how to respect eachother. I know it's a bit too much to expect when we have forgotten how to respect ourselves, but then can you really love someone you don't respect?

Time is a big factor too. With all the family committments, social committments, parties, booze, career, etc, where is the time for the committments towards our loved ones that we had made for being by their side no matter what. Promises are meant to be broken after all.

A bunch of confused women who thinks feminism is another name for male bashing, that men are the only creature responsible for a bad relationship, that all men are pigs and abnormal creatures, it's only men who doesn't have a heart and that it's only men who can be unfaithful in a relationship. And that men who cry are a sissy. Sorry to disappoint you mademoiselle but men possess a heart as much as women do. And just because they cry doesn't mean that they are a sissy, it only indicates that they are still in touch with their emotions and they are not afraid like a woman is to show off their emotional outburst.

Lack of patience. People want something to work out quick and clear. Love on the other hand takes lot of time to happen, but when it does it's a biss.

Well, these are only some of the reasonsfor which we don't see relationships which are strong, stable and none of them last long. Why don't you remember that like jobs, there's always a better person waiting for you just round the corner. But its you who would have to be true to that one person who stood or would stand by your side in your difficult times because love demands truth and faithfullness.

An Open Letter to God

Dear God,

Hope You are doing well. Honestly, I don’t know whether You are a Someone or whether You are all the Gods that I believe in like Jesus Christ, Sai Baba, Shiva, Allah, Maa Kali et al. If You are One then this letter is for You, and if You are many then this letter if for all of You. But whatever is the case, this letter is intended for You God.

Dear God, could You please tell me why did You create the word called love? And if You did, then why didn’t You create Love? And if You didn’t create love then why did You create fools like me who believed in that word so much that they destroyed themselves for that one word, love.

If You would have created love then today she wouldn’t have left me like this dear God. Because I loved her a lot, I know that and You know that too. I loved her when she deserved it the least. I gave her all my affection, I took care of her like a baby. I gave her millions of happy memories, I gave her a new life. Yes, I gave her a new life because You wanted me to. And I gave her a relationship so beautiful that people only read about in books. But only if You would have given some love and affection in her heart, then after I gave her all these things she wouldn’t have been able to make me cry so much and leave me forever.

The reason I am writing this letter is not to accuse You of anything, neither am I writing this letter to blame her for destroying my life so mercilessly even after I loved her so much. The reason I am writing this letter to You is because if You are true, which I want to believe that You are, someday You would care to take a look at this and maybe someday just like You she too would chance to look upon this letter. On that day maybe you would bless me and on that day maybe, just maybe, she would realize how much I love her and then she would come back to me again.

Am I asking for too much God? You are being kind to so many people, can’t You bless me once and bring her back in my life? Please forgive all my sins God. Please don’t hurt me so much, please don’t make me cry anymore.

Trust me God I still love her as madly as I always did. And I am still waiting for her to come back. And I would always be there by her side whether she wants me to be or not like I always was. Just make her come back to me once God. I trust You and I trust in the word Love. Please don’t break my trust dear God.

Amen.

P.S. Just one request dear God, if You can’t make her come back to me then please don’t preach about love anymore, because that would be a lie. And Gods don’t lie.

Phire Cholo - Rupam Islam

As most of you know me, I am a pretty big snob. And I alawys used to look down upon Bangla Rock and the Bangla Band culture. The only Bangla Band that I used to listen to regularly was Mohiner Ghoraguli. And honestly I was never a big fan of Rupam Islam. But a few days back, one of his songs changed a lot. Don't get me wrong, I am still not a fan of Rupam Islam. But this song is different. And I would like to thank you Rupam Da for this song.

Love, Desire and Madness

You don't like the noise in here,
And I don't like the silence,
It's deafening, hurts the soul.

I want to listen to the rain
Pitter-patter on the window sill,
I want to listen to the curtains
Rustle in the monsoon breeze.

I want to listen to your voice,
Hear you laugh, smile like a child.

I want you,
Madly,
Badly,
Sadly.

I want to hug you, kiss you,
Hold you in my arms until they ache.
I want to talk to you, hear your humming
Of all the weird songs in the world.

And I want to feel you,
Touch you,
See you,
Hear you,
Smell you,
Taste you.

You are trying to save your life
Or what is left of it.
I am trying to ruin it, or what
Is left it, each day, with a fight with myself.

Because I desire you,
I lust you.
Because I love you.

I am you and you are me.

And I dreamt about
Spending an evening with you,
Together in a room,
Facing the sea,
Listening to the noise of the sea.
Your head on my shoulders,
Your hands in mine.

What's love without desire,
What's love without lust,
What's love without madness.

I promise you that I would see you go off to sleep.
I promise you that I would kiss your feet.
I promise you that I would love you so much
That you would surrender to me, willingly,
Your eyes,
Your lips,
Your hands,
Your smile,
Your self, yourself.

And then you would be mine, only mine.
In body, in mind and in soul.

You Are What You Choose To Be

Dear Ms J,

Today you returned everything I gave you. Well, almost. I still don't have those emotions, those feelings, and love, and concern that I had for you. Those sleepless nights, that endless trust. I still haven't got them back. And I probably never would, because however much you try you would not be able to find them in someone else.

Today I did something that I have never before and probably would never do it again. I walked off without even listening to what you had to say. But I did it for a purpose Ms J, simply being rude with you was not the idea. Although I am sure you wouldn't understand it. Because you were never that intelligent to understand my silence. You always mistook my it for my weakness.

What I did today was to make you understand that you are not the only one who can be rude, that you are not the only person in this world who can show attitude, that you are not the only one who can be arrogant for no reason. I could have done that to you too. But I chose not to, for the sole reason that I love you. And I believe that you always become what you choose to be in life. Like I chose to be your pillar of strength. Even though you didn't leave a single stone unturned to break me down into pieces so small that I am still trying to find myself from my scattered ashes. But I still stood by your side, always. Because I chose to.

I don't know whether you would read this or not, but if you do then I would like to make one thing very clear. I love you, like I always did. Inspite of what you did to me and how you behaved with me, I still love you like crazy. And I would always go on loving you, till then end of time. And all of these because I choose it to be so.

Wish you all the happiness in life.

Love, hugs and kisses,
R

P.S. Now you are tied to me for the rest of your life. Poor poor you, Ms J!

Prayer For A Lost Love

I saw you yesterday,
Walking down the road of memory lane.

You haven't changed, Beautiful.
Nothing has changed in your world,
In the world that we had weaved together.

Except for me,
Everything remains the same.
Except for my world.
Where now I shiver in the winter snow.

You might never know how
I died
Every minute which you left with me,
For the ones that you
Lived with me.

I spend the nights talking to strangers.

And the Stranger knew my suffering, my pain.
'Cause she saw you in my eyes,
burning me from inside.

She said women never understood
How much I loved you,
But how could you not?

She knew that I had promises to keep.
So I sang her the Scarborough Fair,
And she would sing it to you, someday.

When I am gone,
forever.

Till then,
Let me raise my voice to the chorus of
Simon and Garfunkel singing, in despair.
Let me bleed
Till I reach the last drop
Of forbidden blood in my soul.

Till then let me wait for you, in the field
Out beyond the ideas of
Wrong-doing and right-doing,
Where I ran with Rumi in my dreams.
And let me dream for a hope that,

There we will meet someday.
And then I will live with you again
And then I will love you again,

Forever.

Amen!

Do you believe in God?

Never did I believed in God,
'til I met you, 'till I
Fell in love with you.

Now,

Everytime I see you laugh,
Everytime I hear you smile,
Everytime I touch your tears,

You beauty, your innocence,
Your love,
Everything about you
And you yourself

Convince me all the more
That God does exist.

[Dedicated to the most beautiful woman on Earth, and beyond.]

Why Did You Go Away?

Ever loved someone so bad that you wished you were dead just so that you won't have to see them with someone else?

Ever loved someone so bad that you wished you could have gone mad before they wounded you with their words?

Ever loved someone so bad that you wished to scream your lungs till they bled just so that they would atleast listened to what you have to say?

Ever loved someone so bad that you made your wishes comes true?

I did...

...almost.

If you ever read this, please come back to me. Life without you really has no meaning. I love you. Don't you understand that you stupid woman.

Of Temples, Shrines and Idols

Every temple has a shrine. And every shrine, an idol.

The temple awaits the arrival of its idol. Patiently, lovingly. Without the heavenly shrine and the idol, a temple has no essence of its own. Without the shrine, the temple cease to exist.

The temple has to endure the pain of a long and endless wait for his destiny, his shrine and his idol. During this time, the temple has to journey through the seasons of mists, drought, snow and hailstorm in search of its beloved idol. The pang of loneliness looms over it with each step it takes. But it cannot stop searching, that would mean death for the temple. So it must go on, it must follow its destiny to live.

With each step towards the fabled land, the temple bleeds. It bleeds as it passes through the no man's land.

Then one day, when the temple wakes up from a deep slumber, it finds that the weather has changed into Spring. And standing in front of him would be his destiny, his idol, the mother of his shrine, the woman the possess him, the woman that owns him!

The temple holds her within himself. It stands tall around her, with all its grandeur. The shrine impregnates him with her idol. And then the temple, the shrine, and the idol embraces each other in divine love. Entangled, entwined within themselves in blissful ecstasy.

Come, sit beside me. Feel the blisters on my hands, the wounds on my heart, the bitterness of your separation in my soul. I have been waiting for you, forever. Let me hold your hand, let me touch thy feet. Sit beside me, cure my wounds, heal my soul with your blissful kiss.

Let me worship thee, my idol, with my mind, my body, my soul. Let me worship thy mind, thy body, thy soul, thy skin. Let me worship thee with my lips.

[To Ms J, the most beautiful girl in the world]

From Your Lips to My Heart

When human beings were formed out of apes, they started using hand signals to communicate. They used them to communicate with other human beings.

As and when they evolved they devised new ways to communicate more effectively. So communication too evolved. Human beings started writing on the walls of caves. And this saga of evolution of communication carried on.

From smoke signals, to the Bongo Drums in the Phantom comics by Lee Falk that we used to read when we were kids. From the telegraph and the Morse code to the telephones. From satellites dishes to cellphones. From satellite phones, using which you can call up anyone at any part of the world, even some of the remotest locations, using the Iridium satellite, to SETI, using which we are trying to communicate with life forms from outer space.

But for me, the best way of communication still remains the same, it's your smile. It's your so beautiful smile Ms J. It comes straight from your lips to my heart. Can there really be any other possible ways to communicate which is more effective and better than this? Can there be any other ways of communication which covers such a great distance?

Happy Valentine's Day

To those who are in love or wish to fall in love, wish you all a very Happy Valentine's Day!