An Open Letter to God - IV

To,
General Operative (Dilapidation),

Hey! How are You doing? Just wanted to say that I am sorry about last evening. I really am. You gotta believe me on this. And that's why I deleted that post. But tell me something, did You just write those pages for me? I don't know but it seems so. I mean yes, I did tell You to fix it up, but.

Okay, never mind. I know You just show Your little signs to tell us that You are there. Somewhere, out there somewhere, amidst all the pain and heartbreaks and heartaches. Yes, I saw Your sign last night. It was serendipitous!

I don't know whether You read blogs, especially a eenie, meenie, teenie blog like The Chronicles of R. But if you do, then I want You to two things.

First, I want You to know that I loved Ms J a lot, without any intentions as she thought I did. I know that You know that already, but still. Honestly, after the way I loved her and stood by her in her toughest times, when no one was there with her, I didn't really think that she would (could) do this to me. I know what you would say, "ces't la vie my friend". Yes, but it still hurts, like hell. And I still love her. Hey, did You just throw Your hands off in the air and say "damn" by any chance? I wouldn't mind if You do, I mean I do it all the times. But I can't help it You know, I simply can't help it. Because no matter what, atleast my love for her was true to its core, so for me all those fake dreams of love that she had shown me means a lot. So if You ever get a chance, let her know how much I loved her and that what she did was not at all right.

Second, don't forget to subscribe to my RSS feed. It would be an honor to have You as a feed subscriber, really. I am not making fun of You, but I need a little help o'er here. I am trying to earn a living through this blog, so Your blessed presence would be a boon.

That's it for now. I still don't know whether You are a He or a She or simply an It. Not that I care, but depending on it, I would be visiting you next Thursday and next month. Till then, have a good time.

Love,
R

P.S. One more thing, I would like You to be exactly the way You were portrayed in Tom Holt's Faust Among Equals, a guy with a sense of humor and a little panache in His attitude.

A Letter to God - III

Dear God,

I intend to write two letters today. First one is for You, second one is for Ms J. Here goes the first one.

So the last time I wrote to You, I had a slight idea that I would get an answer, I had a slight hope that You would give me an answer. But never in my dreams did I think that the reply to my prayers would come so soon, from such a preposterous avenues! You do love me, don't You.

Yes, whatever came my way since then has made me happy. Even the loneliness has made me happy, which is a rarity. But (there's always a but, huh?) I don't want to be happy alone. I want to be happy with her, I want us to be happy together. I know it's not possible, not even for You. After all for what will she come back to me! I am not rich (I don't own the Starmark), I don't even look good and sorry but You can't do anything about it (not that I would like You to do anything about my looks, owning Starmark I can think about it). So what if I had loved her for a year, so what if I stood by her side when she was all alone. Love and emotions doesn't really matter anything to anybody these days (except to fools like us). And everybody has the right to a better life, so does she. Its only a bunch of stupid people like me who cares about things like Love and sentiments. And would I be able to prove that I loved her? Would You be able to prove that I loved her and my daughter? HELL NO! Then for what reason will she come back Dear God?

So I am happy, yet I am incomplete. You have made me happy, please complete me now Dear God. Answer my prayers once again. Please!

Amen

An Open Letter to God - II

Dear God,

Here we meet again, You and me. Remember the last time I wrote a letter to You? I didn't really think that You would give me a reply, but You did. And what a beautiful reply it was. Beautiful, sweet and lovely. But a lot of water has flown under the bridge since then, so much so that today I had to sit down in front of the computer to write to You once again, but in a pensive mood.

Tell me something, do You get angry? Do You feel like raising Your hands to blow everything apart? You must feel angry sometime, after all I was born out of You, Your blood runs in my veins, so Your emotions should match with mine, somewhat.

I am feeling angry, very angry. So angry that I feel like screaming till my lungs burst out, till my brain start spewing blood all over me. But I can't, cause unlike You I am a simple little man. And I know that if I start screaming, I would stop only with a pair of electrodes clamped around my temples. And I can't afford to do that because I have a lot of people who look upto my face with hope. Hope, the reason why I am writing this to You. Hope, which makes me believe in You and which makes me believe that once again You would read this and once again I would get a reply.

So please Dear God, please reply to this letter. Please answer my prayers, cause I have heard that there are lot of powers in them. Dear God, I want You to show me Your anger, the same anger which cause You to drown the Earth in the flood which made Noah set sail. But please show me Your anger, please be angry Dear God, so angry that You would smite me with Thor's hammer and entomb me within the shroud of death, but please show me Your anger.

If you cannot, then please show me Your Love. The Love which is Your most beautiful gift for Your children. The Love for which I have spend a year bearing every insult and pain, the Love for which I walked for miles to buy a gift for my daughter on her first birthday, the Love for which I learned what forgiveness is and I forgave her even after inflicted upon me the deepest wounds. Please show me Your Love oh Dear God!

Or else show me what You meant by divine justice. Show me how You intend to teach people a lesson when they think that just because they are not answerable to anyone, they can play with anybody's life and emotions, they can make false promises sitting inside Your house just because they don't believe that You can be real.

But please show me something Dear God, please show me the meaning of these words called Love and Marriage and Promises. Please show me the meaning of the word Life, please give a meaning to my life. But please show me that You are there, with me, around me, to protect me, to Love me. Please Love me Dear God bless me a little because after one year, I cannot bear this burden of fake promises, dreams, lies and betrayals. I cannot. Please answer me Dear God that is it my fault that my heart is as ugly as my face is?

I promise, Your answer to my questions would give you an ardent follower for a lifetime. The follower who went to Your abode at Bandel and climbed to its top on his knees, just to show You his gratitude for letting her be in his life. Please answer my questions, please answer my prayers.

Please put an end to my sufferings Dear God. Whichever God You are, whether You are a Someone or whether You are all the Gods that I believe in like Jesus Christ, Sai Baba, Shiva, Allah, Maa Kali et al. If You are One then this letter is for You, and if You are many then this letter if for all of You. But whatever is the case, this letter is intended for You God. Please give me an answer.

Amen.

P.S. I know I don't sound like I sounded when I wrote to You the last time, but then I used to believe in Love, now I have lost my faith. Now, I am bruised all over. Please heal my bruises, please let me forgive her as You forgave me. Please let me find peace, within Your arms, in Love, with her and my daughter.

An Open Letter to God

Dear God,

Hope You are doing well. Honestly, I don’t know whether You are a Someone or whether You are all the Gods that I believe in like Jesus Christ, Sai Baba, Shiva, Allah, Maa Kali et al. If You are One then this letter is for You, and if You are many then this letter if for all of You. But whatever is the case, this letter is intended for You God.

Dear God, could You please tell me why did You create the word called love? And if You did, then why didn’t You create Love? And if You didn’t create love then why did You create fools like me who believed in that word so much that they destroyed themselves for that one word, love.

If You would have created love then today she wouldn’t have left me like this dear God. Because I loved her a lot, I know that and You know that too. I loved her when she deserved it the least. I gave her all my affection, I took care of her like a baby. I gave her millions of happy memories, I gave her a new life. Yes, I gave her a new life because You wanted me to. And I gave her a relationship so beautiful that people only read about in books. But only if You would have given some love and affection in her heart, then after I gave her all these things she wouldn’t have been able to make me cry so much and leave me forever.

The reason I am writing this letter is not to accuse You of anything, neither am I writing this letter to blame her for destroying my life so mercilessly even after I loved her so much. The reason I am writing this letter to You is because if You are true, which I want to believe that You are, someday You would care to take a look at this and maybe someday just like You she too would chance to look upon this letter. On that day maybe you would bless me and on that day maybe, just maybe, she would realize how much I love her and then she would come back to me again.

Am I asking for too much God? You are being kind to so many people, can’t You bless me once and bring her back in my life? Please forgive all my sins God. Please don’t hurt me so much, please don’t make me cry anymore.

Trust me God I still love her as madly as I always did. And I am still waiting for her to come back. And I would always be there by her side whether she wants me to be or not like I always was. Just make her come back to me once God. I trust You and I trust in the word Love. Please don’t break my trust dear God.

Amen.

P.S. Just one request dear God, if You can’t make her come back to me then please don’t preach about love anymore, because that would be a lie. And Gods don’t lie.

You Are What You Choose To Be

Dear Ms J,

Today you returned everything I gave you. Well, almost. I still don't have those emotions, those feelings, and love, and concern that I had for you. Those sleepless nights, that endless trust. I still haven't got them back. And I probably never would, because however much you try you would not be able to find them in someone else.

Today I did something that I have never before and probably would never do it again. I walked off without even listening to what you had to say. But I did it for a purpose Ms J, simply being rude with you was not the idea. Although I am sure you wouldn't understand it. Because you were never that intelligent to understand my silence. You always mistook my it for my weakness.

What I did today was to make you understand that you are not the only one who can be rude, that you are not the only person in this world who can show attitude, that you are not the only one who can be arrogant for no reason. I could have done that to you too. But I chose not to, for the sole reason that I love you. And I believe that you always become what you choose to be in life. Like I chose to be your pillar of strength. Even though you didn't leave a single stone unturned to break me down into pieces so small that I am still trying to find myself from my scattered ashes. But I still stood by your side, always. Because I chose to.

I don't know whether you would read this or not, but if you do then I would like to make one thing very clear. I love you, like I always did. Inspite of what you did to me and how you behaved with me, I still love you like crazy. And I would always go on loving you, till then end of time. And all of these because I choose it to be so.

Wish you all the happiness in life.

Love, hugs and kisses,
R

P.S. Now you are tied to me for the rest of your life. Poor poor you, Ms J!

Kuch Shabd, Tumhari Khubsoorti Ke Naam

[This is my 100th post. Celebrating this moment of joy with The Chronicles of R, with R by my side]

"Tum kitni pyaari aur khubsoorat ho shayad tumko abhi bhi pata na ho. Kabhi baarish mein bheega hua bagicha dekha hain, lagta hain na ke kisine ussmein naye rang bhar diya ho? Ya phir garajta hua badal se baarish ki boonde girta hua dekha hain kabhi? Jab chahre pe girte hain to lagta hain ke badan ka kona kona bheeg jaye paani ki boondon se. Kabhi chaand ki chaandni ko apne hathon mein samet kar dekha hain? Tumhari khubsoorti ke agey yeh sab banawati lagti hain. Pheeka padh jata hain iss kaynaat ki har koi khubsoorti. Phir bhi adhura raheta hain tumhari khubsoorti ki taarif."

The Raven Couple

Dear Natasha,

I believe you have already had a word with Mr. Duggar. You would receive your copy of the divorce litigation within a few days time in case you have not received it already from Mr. Duggar. Congratulations to you on winning the litigation! I hope the victory against me was quite satisfactory. I have come across a few of your photographs which I dint share with Mr. Duggar (which I know he would curse me for not doing so as being my lawyer he has the right to them), but I never felt like insulting you on the open court. The photographs were of you and Amit in a very compromising position. It’s a different issue that had I shown those photographs the litigation might have gone in my favor. How is Alisha doing? I don’t think she is old enough to start missing her Dad already. But I would be missing both of you equally.

Do you remember Natasha the tree beside my bedroom? The one which we used to watch together, bloom with the flowers and grow darker in shades when the monsoon showers washed it with its unyielding passion during the years of our marriage! Well since you had left last year, a raven couple had made their nest (house!) on one of its topmost branches quite a number of times. But unfortunately for them the first two times they made their nest and laid eggs, they could not save their child. Fate with the face of a snake made them succumb to its hunger; they fluttered their wings in despair but could not help see their unborn child being carried away in a live coffin. The second time they made their nest Mother Nature had taken its toll on them, she along with the rain as her scythe came to banish another new life from taking birth. And banish they did. The raven couple could not made houses like us to fight against the forces of nature and their nest finally toppled one day and the couple could only look helplessly. But God, who gives the pain, had also given them the courage to fight it. And they never left trying. And finally, a few days back as I woke up in the morning and heard the virgin voice of the new born. The chirrups, although barely audible sounded beautiful in my ears. And it was a sight for the sore eyes; the raven couples were feeding their little one.

We could have done the same Natasha, couldn’t we? I sometimes wonder as to where did we go wrong! We could have made such a nice family, and I did try my level best. I do agree that I might have had some drawbacks, but don’t we all do. Don’t we all have our own drawbacks? But then what’s a relationship where two people don’t have to compromise certain things in life. That’s how a relationship is made, right? If only you could understand it a little. You know Natasha; I sometimes think that what have we got by staying at the topmost position in the evolution pyramid? What have civilization made out of us, what have this culture, globalization, religion and those grandiloquent words made out of us? It takes so many things for us to maintain our relationships. We need the aid of counselors, we need lawyers, we need doctors, we need psychopaths, we need sociologists, we need rulers, kings, monarchs, presidents and what not! But for what, just to maintain what is ours? Just to maintain our family, our own family! And those raven couple just needed courage to fight against the world to have what’s theirs, to have their family. Is this what we could do by belonging to the most superior race in the history of this world? Is this the best we could do? Is this the best you and I could do when all we needed was a bit of understanding!

That’s one question that I would like to have the answer to. But no, like earlier I would not force this upon you too. I just wish I could have the answer to this. Then I could also have found the solution for the pain of separation from you and baby Alisha. And this pain has become very unbearable. So I have decided to go away from you and her. Go away where there would be no pain. By the time you would be reading this letter I would be long gone. I have left all my earthly possessions for you and my daughter. That’s should sustain you and her for a while. And those photographs are in my bank locker, you can take them whenever you feel like.

Its time for me to say goodbye to you and baby Alisha. But please do tell her that her father had missed her a lot. And hope you would find the answer to the question, the answer would be able to help those numerous others like me. They would not have to go away then.

Love,

Rohit.

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My life for you R

dear R,

you would be surprised to know that i don't remember you...that term is strictly reserved for the dead, departed, bygones, belated, extincts and forgotten...but you still live in me...

i can still hear your voice floating through the air to touch my face...i can see your dreams dancing with joy and happiness...i can still feel your touch of warmth, care and love...i can still discern your countless emotions...and i can still feel your pain...the pain which you shared with me...the pain which made you a damsel in distress...

but i hate myself for not being able to be your knight in shining armor...

you have gifted me with a bouquet of vivid memories...i would be able to cherish it even after i would be remembered...but i was incapable of dispersing even a single moment of innumerable beatitude...but you still live in me...cause for a king, you were my Princess...

and just like the Trashcan Man said..."My life for you Cibola"...